TONGS CHARITY FOUNDATION
湯氏慈善基金會
Mrs. Nula Tong 湯何佩文女士
September 15, 1930 - June 2, 2015
Collections of Letters for
Mrs. Tong's Funeral Memorial
湯何佩文女士葬禮追悼會中
的親友文章
Excerpted Articles Written by Friends and Family
Dear Family and Friends,
We are gathered here today to say final goodbye to our Aunt Nula. As far as I remembered her since half a century ago, she has been, over all these years, a beautiful, graceful, and most loving individual. Up to the last days of her life, she was the spiritual support, and the gracious life partner to my uncle Eddy. Without her companionship, his life path would have been a lonely one.
And yet it should be noted that in the midst of our sorrow, we understand her passing away has been a peaceful and a painless one. In our over 5000 years of Chinese history and cultures, and with her celebrated and wonderful 84 years of her life, the way she passed away is a blessing.
It must be fate that I was sent here and spent the last two years working in New Jersey, and was able to come home and stay with them each and every wonderful weekend. Same time last year, we orchestrated a family gathering with my sister Helen from San Francisco, my brother John from Hong Kong, and Henry and Laury from Connecticut. That was one of their most happy times in recent years.
I have said enough her past life in the booklet presented to you in this funeral. I would, however, closing off my little speech with a poem written in 1683 by Buddhist Lama priest Tashi Ram Lot.
Whether you meet me or not
I will be there
Neither sad nor happy
Whether you miss me or not
The feeling is still there
Neither coming nor going
Whether you love me or not
The love is still there
Neither growing nor fading
Whether you are with me or not
My hand is in your hand
Neither letting go nor leaving
Come to my heart
Or
Let me come to yours
Silently loving each other
Quietly and joyously
Frank Tong
我們的契媽
我父親在廣州唸中學時, 和契爺湯醫生是同學, 畢業後各奔前程, 契爺遠赴重洋, 老同學仍魚雁頻通。我十七歲來美國讀書, 暑假來紐約打工活幹, 拜訪契爺契媽, 竟一見如故, 我年軽時, 木納害羞, 話也不多一句, 但和契媽可以餐桌前促足長談, 不知東方既白。契媽看著喜歡, 要認我為乾兒子。佛說三生三世, 世間說性氣相投, 大概緣份就是這個意思。
我們初見契爺契媽, 實是驚為天人。如斯神仙眷侶, 怎得人間得見, 男才女貌, 相得益彰。契爺器宇軒昂, 契媽溫婉美麗嬌柔, 兩人見識不凡, 對小輩慈愛有加。 孺慕之情, 不能自己。
契媽外貌嬌小溫文, 但自小剛強正直。她告訴我們在日治時期, 小孩走路上課, 經過日兵哨站, 耍了躬身行禮, 小孩心有不忿, 敷衍了事。給日兵喝停, 把一衆小朋友抽出幾個來罰企。契媽也在其中。日兵把白雪雪光閃閃刺刀在她們面前, 晃來晃去。其他小朋友嚇得痛哭, 求饒了便可以回家。契媽才十歲人兒, 心中怕得要命, 小臉卻鼓著不肯哭, 更不討饒。和日哨兵對立呆望。天黑日兵收隊換班, 拿她沒辦辦法, 只得著她離開。心中必嘀咕, 這小女孩膽子大抑是性子強呢? 契媽從不蹅足日本, 亦無意交日本朋友。她有她的堅持。
契媽寫的信, 行文灑麗不必說。契媽寫得一手好字, 我們讚她的字漂亮, 她說自己的字沒什麼特別, 契爺說的字才好呢。果然如是, 我們讚契爺的字漂亮, 他說自己的字沒什麼特別, 我在三藩巿哥哥的字才是好字, 他書畫自成一家呢。他們家就是這樣, 謙躬禮讓, 功成讚譽不必在己。契媽平日看書彈琴自娛, 又會燒得一手好菜。她弄的蝦仁炒蛋, 百吃不厭。有次她燒菜, 我們拿筆記錄, 回港好依樣畫葫蔖, 做個蝦仁炒蛋, 但做出來完全不是那回事, 心中訥悶, 不知那裏出錯。打電話問契媽, 她一聽便知問題所在。她說: "你們沒有把𧎚身弄乾才下鑊呢!"。契媽的手藝, 就是她一歩一步的教, 我們一筆一筆的記錄, 也學不來。
靄雯爺爺多年前葬在紐約, 我們去紐約有機會便上爺爺的墳。有次我們在紐約, 住在契爺契媽家裡, 怕長輩忌諱, 對契媽說, 今天不陪你了。我們想上爺爺的墳呢。她說忌諱什麼, 我們一起去好了。契媽還替我們買花整草呢。那天風和日麗, 晴空萬里。 我們在山間漫步, 她說慎終思遠是我們中國人傳統, 又可郊遊踏青。一舉兩得。契媽心無掛礙, 尊重傳統而不滯於物。
契媽待人細心情重。給她做清潔的媽姐, 一做二十年。剪草裁花的墨西哥工人,一家三代都替契媽打理花草。我們有什麼疑難, 她都張羅獻策, 記得數年前我們女兒, 想放棄唸醫學院。契媽非常上心, 又電話又來信, 千叮萬囑不要放棄, 要咬著牙根挺著, 困難便會過去 。 鼓勵之餘, 又說契爺唸醫學院也是困難重重, 胡塗事辛酸事也一大堆, 行過山窮處, 坐看雲起時。契媽永遠的堅強樂觀。
契媽遽然離去, 心實不捨。昔日耳捉面命的吩咐, 點滴在心。契媽一定在另一個美好世界, 在無何有之鄉, 在上帝的國度, 在可安歇的水邊, 悠然自得, 福杯滿溢。那裏必是風和日麗, 晴空萬里。
永遠懷念，我們的契媽
大康 靄雯
June 6 2015
告別 Nula
今天我以非常沉重的心情, 向嫂夫人Nula告別. 我們都很傷心, 我們都很難過, 我們都捨不得讓她離開。
我站住這裡, 心中想的都是65年前的事,Nula就在眼前. 穿著白衣天使的制服, 頭上戴著方角形的白帽, 手裡拿著針筒, 帶著微笑, 得意的做好了救人的工作. 她問病人” 痛不痛”, 病人說” 不痛, 不痛”。
眼前的她, 是多麼的漂亮. 像仙女, 像天使！下了班她還在病房, 好像有做不完的事. 啟光兄來了, 他們在講廣東話, 我們聽不懂, 只知道他們有說有笑, 讓我們忌妒。他們一定在談戀愛,入人都說,多美好的一對啊！讓我們羨慕。
不久, 他們結婚了, 同學與親友, 都吃了喜糖。時間過得快, 湯兄在香港, 發展他的事業, 夫唱婦隨, 他們到了美國.
日子過得快,10年過去了,1962年我到紐約市, 1963湯兄與Nula也搬到紐約,在紐約大學醫院工作.住家就在對街的公寓房,多麼高興啊！我下班時去拜望.她做一手好菜飯,手藝一流,讓我一飽口福 ” 中國飯”。
10年又過去了, 1972年我全家移民到了美國, 他們已在紐約New Rochelle有了新家, 第一次拜訪他們, 感覺進了皇宮, 高雅華麗的住宅, 都是Nula的傑作, 客廳還擺設鋼琴, 她偶而演奏待客, 多才多藝！每年國慶吃燒烤, 年節招待同學親友, 多麼親切好客, 多好的快樂時光。她怕酸, 但不吃醋, 湯兄女朋友多, 她自信的說：”我不管, 家有貌美賢妻, 夫復何求”.
10年,10年10年又10年, 最近的這些年來,關節炎讓她難熬, 勇敢的接受手術, 毫無忌怕. 樂觀的心態, 永遠寫在她美麗的臉上.
惡魔無故的前來, 上星期的急病, 將她送到醫院, 只有短短的6天, 上帝帶她到了天堂, 她還來不及向朋友們說聲”再見”。讓我們多麼心痛與茫然. 又好像聽到她愉快的聲音說：” 不要為我哭泣, 朋友們,我很好, 我在快樂的天國, 會為你們祈禱, 快樂與幸福” .Nula一路走好！向妳拜別了.
李新超
A Love Letter to My Sam Sum
Dear Sam Sum,
Wasn’t it just last week that we talked? You were asking me some questions about a nearby hospital. I can still hear your voice calling me, chatting about this and that. How I wished that we got to talk longer. I missed hearing your voice. Your voice was so clear, so strong.
I don’t remember how I came to know you. You and Sam Shuk have always been larger than life in the family. Growing up in Hong Kong, I always knew that I have an important uncle and a beautiful aunt living in New York. After immigrating to California, I finally met you. You looked so attractive, slender and graceful. I remembered you were teaching me how to cook various appetizers. They all sounded so complicated and delicious. There was one that stood out from the rest. I can still hear you telling me how you would almost completely debone the drumettes, flipped it inside out, and then deep fried the whole thing. You were so proud when you told me that your guests can hold the bone as a fork! It sounded magical to my teenage ears. That was how I knew you were also a wonderful cook.
Over these years, we got to see each other every now and then, especially during large family functions. Looking back, I was busy growing up, and then raising a family of my own. It was not until the last few years that I really got to know you better. Even though I have never told you, I enjoyed every bit of sharing that we had together, from the latest Chinese drama to the latest Chinese non-fiction book. With you and Sam Shuk in New York and us in California, how I wished we lived closer together. The very last time I saw you, we were sitting on the steps by the entry way of your house. You were telling me about how you fell on the driveway this winter when you were getting the newspaper. Snow was piled along the side, and you couldn’t get up. You tried to ask for help, but no one was in sight. Instead of being stressed, you told me that you took it in stride and enjoyed an hour of sunshine. That is so you.
I always see you and Sam Shuk as the happily married couple. How many elderly couples can truly say that? You were always so poise and loving towards him, through good times and bad. Even though he can’t hear you sometimes, I only saw patience and not frustration from your face. You two would make a model couple. Up until the end, you were a sharp lady. Nobody can pull the rug from under you, and honestly, I don’t think anyone ever had. If you were to be born in this generation, I am sure you would kick many behinds and climbed the corporate ladders all the way to the top. There is so much that I can learn from you. There are still so many advices that I seek from you. You will be sorely missed. Being Chinese, the word “love” is seldom spoken. I am proud to say that I love you, and you will always be in my heart.
Colina (Ah Suk)